realizations

*Insomnia again*

I realized that the reason I connected with you is because we are both artists at the core. We perceive, we seek to understand things deeper than other people. We are discoverers.

New

Tired of being blind
Tired of pushing rewind
Washing clean the impurities
Scarlet
Never felt so good to remove
Rinse away like rain
Torrential downpour
My heart beating
Racing
Awakened
To what...
I don't know
To hope
To inspiration
Possibility

If these scars could speak

If these scars could speak
They'd tell you the story
Of a mother who rejected the role
Suicide took its toll
A child who would never feel whole
If these scars could speak
They would whisper of fingertips
He held my throat with a deadly grip
After he kissed my quivering lips
I'd never been so full of fear
And the date rape toll rises every year
If these scars could speak
They would tell you of my son
Who left for war in '71
Flew off to Vietnam
Turned a boy into a man
Into a corpse
The valleys on my wrists prove my grief
So please, kindly, leave me be
If these scars could speak
They'd tell of an affair
Between a man so debonair
And his mistress with the long black hair
He gave her more than rings or pearls
He gave his heart to the young Spanish girl
I had nothing left to fight for but my life
As I became the ex-wife
If these scars could speak
They'd scream of how much I miss him
My dearest and most precious friend
Whose body let the cancer win
In tribute to that beloved boy
A tattoo artist I did employ
To carve his name into my skin
Never let his memory dim
If these scars could speak
They's sing of the greatest rescue
A dying heart in a tiny frame
A baby without a name
Open heart surgery
Proved a gift for my husband and me
As we gladly welcomed Emily

If these scars could speak
WOULD WE LISTEN?

Viper

He slithers through your teeth
Curves over your lips
Hisses through your lies
That forked tongue whispers the sweetest alibis
Black, slithering beauty
You crack a smile, he coils smoothly
Takes the form of your grin
Your lips are scaly nightmares
He shimmies his way into your heart
Replaces your aortic valve
Nestles into your left atrium
Poisons your life blood
Do you never think to have him surgically removed?
He courses his way through your veins
Causes you pain
Pumps himself into your pulmonary veins
He's nothing but corruption
Shut him down, shut him out
Yank him from your blood
Because he doesn't give up unless you do

Smile like you mean it...

Snap your fingers
That rhythm pounds in your head
Dances in your heart
Your eyes roll up like the shades in the all-night diner
Your mascara drips
Oozes onto your lashes
God, you hate the clumps!
Oh, you're worth being late for
Give 'em the old stare down
Because they make you envision the top of the world
You swear there's nothing like a double beat
Falling in love with the ipod generation
"I'll never let you go..."
Smiles that hide your mystery
Your blood is the ink on the paper
And it seethes, profound
You could be Janis Joplin in Monroe curls
Or maybe as ironic as Alanis back in '95
And you're not afraid to admit your guilty Ginsberg pleasures
Give him that side smile 'cause you know what he's thinking
And you could dissect anyone

All her world's a stage...

Pretty baby looks so tired
All worn out on center stage
Sway and stumble to the beat
With no one to engage
Quick! Draw the curtains!
Intermission calls for remembrance
Of past lines, dark lines
Thick times
Bitter rinds
Oh, rewind!
"But you can't rewind a play, my dear..."
Close your eyes
Or improvise until the coast is clear
Until you start to tear
"But that's so melodramatic!"
"Your scene is anti-climactic!"
"Your soundtrack overly cinematic!"
Whispering truth in your eyes
Revel beneath your disguise
A triumph of little white
Lie down now!
Improvise!
Cauterize!
Your blemishes covered by costumes and makeup
When will you wake up?
"All the world's a stage my dear"
"Could you say that louder? I couldn't hear!"
Behind the curtain you disappear
Like a phantom under the lights
No time for stage fright
"Sweetie, you're the star!
Everyone knows who you are"
But every face in the audience looks the same
And baby's got a brand new name
Yeah
Baby's got a brand new name

Scarlet turned pale

It called her in, so she drifted toward the shoreline. Her bare feet were iced, but her blood flowed warm, steady through her body. It was time to leave, to enter into a new dimension.

The sea looked black and calm. Scarlet waded in slowly, as not to disturb her pool of Bethesda. No lifeguards, she thought to herself. But this reality didn't frighten her. The moon shone silver in the midnight sky. She looked up at it with a smile.

Up to her waist now, she wrapped her sweater tight around her arms and took a deep breath. She was not afraid.

In a brief moment of desperation, she hurled herself downward, plunging downward in full release to the silent sea. Faintly, a voice called to her. "Scarlet, you are healed. You are beautiful."

She came up for a few seconds, choking, gapsing for breath, her throat filled with saltwater.

The waters encompassed her, threw her down. She fought at first, but soon relented. She drifted farther away. Fear gripped her as she frantically tried to make her way up.

The voice called to her again. "Relax, Scarlet. Don't fight me. You are safe. Don't fight anymore."

She let her body fall downward as a deep sleep seemed to fall over her. The sea seemed bottomless.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She awoke to the sound of crashing waves and the smell of damp sand. Opening her eyes, she realized she had been there all night. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and whispered, "I won't fight now. I am clean."

Another haiku

Two hands palm to palm-
Love under the linden tree
Safety in numbers

Mafia 101

You said the words so I released it all
Dropped my words like knives
Like kerosene
Wake me up now, it's all a dream
So abstract, yet so concrete
Walking down these blood-stained streets
Smoke and smog fill my lungs
Echoes of death, waving parched tongues
I pull on my coat, smoke past the alley
I've wasted these years, drowned them in folley
Out to defend my father's name
Thirsty for blame
Leave the revolver, take the meat
I make my way through these bloodied streets
Sirens blare, I've got my dignity
I'd be better off with anonymity
Daddy killed Johnny with a .45
Five days later Daddy died
Hideouts in crowded poker halls
There's no voices in these walls
With a James Dean smile
I'll kill 'em in style
And be back in time for manicotti

last chances

It all started with the rehearsal. "Stand here, sir. You'll be right." I remember when I was his age, yet I had already gone through this the year before. "He's too young," I kept repeating to myself hypocritically. "He's just a kid. He doesn't know what he's doing..."

There he stood in a tuxedo, nervously fidgeting with his boutannier, yet smiling all the while. He greeted the incoming guests as they squished, gasped and trampled their way into the crowded cathedral. His mother was all tears, so I had to remind her, "It hasn't even started yet." "I know, I know." Blot. Wipe.

I felt like I hadn't given him any words of wisdom, just 20 years of criticizing his mistakes. So much of me believed that this, too, may be a mistake. Nothing would take away that glimmer in his eyes.

"How do you tie this thing again?" One last piece of advice, one last chance to teach him something that just might stay with him. One last chance.

With a gentle smile I showed my son how to loop the tie just right and pull the bottom under.

He smiled in appreciation. "I'm sure she'll be beautiful. She's gonna look so beautiful. I can't wait to see her!"
I nodded statically.
"Ready?" he asked as we were ushered toward the procession. I nodded again, took my daughter's arm, and escorted her down the aisle.

With a tear of hope, I thought of how much harder it would be when it was her turn. She patted me on the arm and looked down.
*A son is a son until he takes a wife- a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.*

Mosaic

We are a mosaic
Each pair of eyes brilliant stained glass fragments
Illuminating
We are a panoramic picture
Each person a tiny dot, a speck
A beautiful blend of controversy and harmony
Each person emits a different aura
A different color, a different shade
A different scene of brokenness

She is

Aged, she waits in the wings
Behind the scenes
She prays silently, unsuspecting
She sends her prayers in due time
I long to hear words of wisdom
From wrinkled lips
Past failures, whispers from God
She has known Him longer
She lets me surrender to tears when needed
When desperate
She sees me
Recognizes the little girl on the swing
The one who stubbed her toes on smooth stone
The one who cherished the rain
Her eyes are refreshing
She notices words left unspoken
She can interpret the inexpressible
Her prayers evoke divine intervention
Her spirit speaks to me in silence
She is grandma guardian

Sunburnt haiku

Longing for winter
Ice to save my back of coals
Burned by summer's sun

Communion

*Currently listening to: David Crowder's Lime CD*

Communion, Communion
What a blessed union
Of Father, Spirit, Son
And I becoming one
The precious blood of One
And body broken, too
To save the lowly sinner
To Him all praise be due
Purple stained brow
And thorns compose a crown
Bring to me this precious blood
That in it I may drown
Communion, communion
What a sacred union
Of fingertips in nail-scarred hands
I hang my head and lift my hands
Blood so costly, blood so pure
To face the cross and to endure
Father turned away His face
That You would grant unmerited grace
Scarlet feet, scarlet head
Hands that healed, hands that bled
What a beautiful, destined fate
That You would endure pain so great
To set my life ablaze
With Your wounded loving gaze
I bow unworthily
My Scarlet King

Can't sleep

You can't seem to sleep alone
Hold your ear up to the phone
I'll put the phone up to my heart
The thump-pause-thump-pause will put you right to sleep
Too many nights too far away
Wrong words mixed with raw mistakes
You always held the tethers
That bound us together
So why are you letting go?
You say my heartbeat's getting slow
Your love used to burn my heart like a cigarette
Now you're heavy-hearted, full of regret
Miles stretch farther now
I can't reach you somehow
Return to me tonight
Rock paper scissors
And scissors always cut the deepest
You won and went away
And I can't sleep alone
So put your heartbeat on the phone
Just put your pulse up to the phone

olive branch

I have extended the olive branch
So many times
And each and every time
You have broken them
I am running out
Of olive branches



You were a balloon
Made to soar
Thus I had to let you go
The same as before