Love's Labors Lost

Here I am
Listening to songs I haven't been able to for so long
Slowly cracking open
Unhinging my heart
Here I am
Allowing Him to heal parts of me that have been bruised for so long
I became so comfortable with my stagnant state
So comfortable being unvulnerbale
So comfortable masking it all
So comfortable saving my heart for someone who already has it
But forgot
When you're so used to being closed up, stitched
It can be difficult to adjust to having them removed
And all the hoping, the waiting, the failed attempts to reconnect
Only bruised more, broke me more
All the "what ifs" and all the "if onlys"
Life can't be spent on them after all
Life can't be spent in dreams
I held it all so tightly
So tightly
That when I opened my fist, it was crushed
Poured out
I spent years mourning the loss of something so fragile
"To everything there is a season"
It has felt like a drought
I am beginning to ready myself
For torrential downpour